last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
