He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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