I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
