When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
