well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
