I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
