You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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