she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
