what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
