Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
