mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
