They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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