i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
