Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize