I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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