I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
