You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
