another moral hangover. fuck.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize