I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
