We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
