so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
