I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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