You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
