he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
where are my eyebrows?
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