Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My ass is underappreciated
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
