Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
