Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
