That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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