Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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