if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dick very happy bro
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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