just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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