hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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