good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
