no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
