I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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