Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Nicole vs. Life
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
