At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
