I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize