Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
