You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
