oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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