Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
