well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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