Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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