I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
