My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
