This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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