He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
