She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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