So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
