What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
