Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
