I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
