"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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