you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize