So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
