He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
