I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
