Only a mothe r could love this liver
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dicks are not precious.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
