We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
