Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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