I'm gonna have a badass scar
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
