My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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