do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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