I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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