I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
