he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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