Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
