marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
