I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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